To my sweet Baby J,
So, I have been trying to write you letters as you have been growing and one of the last letters I wrote you was at the beginning of the Corona Virus pandemic. And I thought, you know, this is crazy. What is it going to be like being pregnant while quarantined, and not being able to see our friends and family? But in recent days, my love, there has been a lot happening in this world and I wanted to take some time this week to really reflect and read, research, learn and pray…and figure out how I can be better. How we can be better. Because there is a lot of hate out there and you don’t know this but there are a lot of different people in this world. There are different ethnicities, and different races and different backgrounds. Different hair color, skin color and eye color. It truly is what makes our world so amazing, but not everyone sees it that way. That has come to light in recent days and it has just allowed a lot of hate to spread. It breaks my heart. I don’t even have the worlds to give you, which is why I want to do this. I may not remember how I am feeling during all of this but when the time comes, I want you to understand and I want you to know and to be educated and made aware. So that is what the purpose of this letter is.
Little one, I pray for you every day. You are not even here yet and you take up so much of my world. And I love that. And I love that I will get to see you play sports and go to school and grow up. And you know truthfully, I don’t have to fear anything. It really does make it somewhat difficult to say it out loud, but I don’t have to fear for you. And there are moms out there who do have to fear for their little ones. And it is not fair. And it is not right. And it has left my heart unsettled this week because I think about you and the privileges that I have had and the privileges that you will have and you know, I am thankful. But I don’t want you to grow up and not know what you have. And I don’t want you to take it for granted, but most importantly I want you to be different.
I was talking with a good friend of mine who you will come to know as one of your aunts and she talked about raising our children to be difference makers. I pray that for you. I pray that you will love so hard…everyone in your life. No matter where they come from. And I pray that you won’t see skin color, or background, or religion as something that separates you from someone else, but rather, embrace it. And learn about it. And see how you can be a support to that person. See how you can uplift them. See how you can be their ally, their advocate. I would only pray that any other future moms that we will be spending time with will be praying the same things for their little ones. And I want that for you, my love. I want you to be a difference maker. I want people to meet you and to see you and to see how much love you have in your heart. And how you are filled with light, and love and the Holy Spirit. And people will be drawn to that. Not because you are privileged, but because you are different.
I can only hope that you will be this light that the world needs. But I pray that every day, the Lord will help me be an example to you. Throughout all of this I have learned that I need to lead you in such a way that if in twenty five years, you are experiencing this, that you will stand up and speak what is right. And you will stand up for your friends. Your friends of color. Your friends of difference races. Your friends of different backgrounds. Because Jesus loves you, my little one, but he loves them. I just want you to know that. I want you to grow up in that. And I want you to spread that.
While I have spent a lot of time this week learning, researching and finding new people that I can be educated by, i’ve also spent a lot of time reading about how I can help you. And how I can hopefully start with you, and start with your heart. At the end of the day, I want people to look at you and see Jesus. I pray for that. And I pray that starting now, to the second that you are born and beyond that he fills you and pours out from you every day. And I pray that for me, I can have your innocence because it is going to be so sweet. I can’t wait for you to be here. To see your face and see what you look like, and if you will resemble me, or your dad, or grandma or grandpa. But regardless, you are going to teach me a lot of things kid. And I am excited. I am excited to learn. And I am excited to hopefully teach you some things as well.
I am ready for you kid. Let’s do it. Let’s take on the world. Me, you and your dad. I love you and I will see you soon.
Love, Mom.
